Cardboard Testimony: Beth Bridges
My name is Beth Bridges and I am a recovering drug addict. I am 34
years old, and have two beautiful daughters - Samantha Ewing, age 10
and Taylor Ewing, age 7, who currently live with their father and
step-mother.
loving family. There were a few issues we experienced as a family, but
nothing compared to some of the stories I've heard from other
recovering addicts--nothing that caused any of my issues (which I
brought upon myself). I went to church a lot with my aunt and uncle, so I knew of God and
Jesus Christ. This slacked off a lot as I grew older, mainly just
going to church on holidays and other special occasions. In junior high, I started drinking beer, and as I got older I began
drinking liquor - really whatever was available. I tried smoking pot
maybe once or twice but didn't like it. Actually, I didn't like anyone
that had anything to do with drugs-- I was raised totally against it
and definitely didn't know anyone that did "harder drugs". Daddy was
very strict with us, so I learned to lie and manipulate others at a
pretty young age--which would increase later in my drug use. When I graduated high school I went to Delta State University in
Cleveland, Miss. and majored in Elementary Education. My drinking and
partying continued-- actually increased. I would go back to my parents on weekends, and I would go out with
high school friends on Friday and Saturday, and go to church on
Sundays. By this time my mom and sisters were attending church on a
pretty regular basis. I would have a lot of conviction on these
Sundays, and after several weekends home I was baptized, and I thought
I'd turned my life around. The drinking slowed down a little but didn't quit completely. A year
or so went by and I was slowly but surely slipping back into living
life completely by my will, putting God further and further away from
my heart. At about 19 or 20 I started smoking marijuana more and more,
and I was pretty much living with my boyfriend. At age 20 I had tried
cocaine, acid, and ecstasy. This is about the time my boyfriend and I
decided to get married. The next two or three years my drug use would increase. We smoked
marijuana almost every day, and used harder drugs on the weekends--not
every weekend, but it would soon elevate to this. My husband and I
partied a lot; we had two separate groups of friends we hung
with--ones we could get high with, and ones we mainly drank with. I knew that my mood was slowly but surely starting to depend on
whether I had pot to smoke--I found myself not enjoying things I used
to--I never rode horses any more, I wouldn't enjoy vacations, visits
to my parents, holidays, etc. I wasn’t happy or content unless I had
something with me (at this time it was mainly marijuana.). At about age 23 I tried crystal meth for the first time. That was the
beginning of the end for me, although it took several years for it to
take away almost everything that meant something to my life. The drug
had me from the very first time I ever tried it. Later this same year I finished college and became pregnant with our
first child Samantha Grace. My pregnancy was probably the most normal
time of our marriage, but the partying started back not long after she
was born. My husband started playing guitar in a band, and I was
always right with him, loaded as I could be. We both were successful
at our jobs and as parents, but weekends were ours--Sam was at one of
our parents, and we were doing exactly what we wanted. Guilt was
beginning to overcome me, but I think I just drowned it with drugs. At age 28 our second child, Taylor Elizabeth, was born. The day we
brought her home from the hospital we were having a small party at the
house and the drinking and drugging was back to full force. When Taylor was six months old I found myself completely relying on
cocaine and marijuana to make me happy or to enjoy anything. I started
having an affair and we were divorced shortly afterwards. I moved to Greenville, Miss. and traveled back and forth every day to
help with the girls. However, I could not bring myself to stay in the
same house with him. I continued to use more and more to cover the
pain that I felt from being away from the girls. After the divorce was final we had joint custody of the children -- he
having physical custody. I signed over everything to him without even
talking to a lawyer, because I was living in such denial of my drug
use and was I trying to cover up so much from my family. I had the
girls every other weekend during the school year and it reversed for
the summers, and we rotated the holidays. About three years later I married again into another relationship
revolving around drugs. We were separated and divorced within a year
of being married. As time went by my main drugs were crystal meth and
marijuana. I was using both pretty much on a daily basis. In January of 2007 my parents court-ordered me to treatment. I had
great resentment for my parents, my ex-husband, my sisters, anyone
that had anything to do with getting me help. I built a wall between
us. During my stay at treatment I started praying and talking to God a
lot more, but today I realize that I was still putting other things
first--relationships and me being in control of my life was necessary
to make me feel happy and complete. God was a part of me but not where
I should have put Him. I left treatment after about 35 days; I thought I had been there long
enough--once again another wrong decision. I stayed clean from drugs
about 5 months. Now I can see that I did not ever COMPLETELY turn my
will and my life over to God, so once again I started the cycle
over.... drinking alcohol first--this wasn't enough, so I started
smoking pot when I was by myself. It wasn't long before I was using
crystal meth again. After a short period of time everything was
falling apart--I had not a drop of peace, joy, or happiness left in
me. My parents questioned my using, but of course I would lie and use
other things as an excuse for my depression, sadness, weight loss,
etc. I was so lost, and I ended up losing any and everything that meant
something to me. I was arrested for selling Xanax. This was the end of my teaching
career, my visitation with my children, any trust or relationship with
my family, and also the end of a relationship with someone I deeply
cared for. (All this giving me one more excuse to have pity on myself
and cover the stress with staying high!) Throughout the next several months my drug use increased, along with
another addiction—gambling. I spent my retirement money on drugs and
casinos. This disease made me someone I never thought I would
be--someone without her children, lying, stealing from my parents
and/or using their money for selfish reasons, selling drugs to support
my habits, losing very special relationships, and also without a job. I was in such darkness. I was so not myself--I was dying --literally
killing myself. I remember Christmas last year Daddy telling me that
if I didn't want to let them help me, and wouldn't listen to what he
had to say, that I didn’t have to come back around, because they
couldn't watch me do this to myself anymore. I left there mad, angry,
and still in denial, and I'm sure planning to stay away from them. About ten days later, Jan 5, 2009, I was arrested again during a drug
bust. For this I am truly grateful because it saved my life--it was
the answer to many, many prayers of my family and friends. It was
God's way of intervening in my life---slowly but surely I would find a
ray of light from the deep hole I had been in for so, so many years.
To be honest, I think that it took my arrest for God to really get my
attention. After about a day or two in jail I began reading the Bible and a book
that was left in the cell--a book about faith--about miracles that God
can and will do if we ask Him to come into our life and we live
according to His will. This is when I started trusting and thinking
that if God can do these things I've been reading about, I know He can
come into my life and change me--I know that He can bring me
happiness, love, and joy--if and only if I ask Him to. Since then I
have not stopped asking for God's guidance and thanking Him for ALWAYS
being there for me--even when I was lost He was there. I stayed in
jail for two weeks and with the financial help of my parents admitted
myself into drug treatment where I would stay for about 8 months. I never thought I would be where I am today in my relationship with
Christ--I never imagined life could be this good; that I could have
such a peace and happiness inside. I know that I am a child of God and
I believe that through Christ anything is possible. He has blessed me
with so many miracles--my parents have their daughter back, my sisters
have their sister back, grandparents have their grandaughter back, and
I believe with all my heart that God will place my children back in my
life when He sees the time is right. I am going back to school to be a
cosmetologist. I was placed on house arrest rather than spending many
years in jail. I've built wonderful relationships with true friends,
and last but not least I have 11 months of sobriety. All these are
miracles--and they're all because God and Jesus Christ come first in
my life today; the center of my life--the reason I'm alive today! -Beth Bridges
Posted by First Hattiesburg
